I can feel your pain. Those stupid heart boxes, the endless displays of roses, the dumb candles, the icky sweet teddy bears.

You need My Black Valentine. You might want to turn your volume down. I forgot, and almost fell out of my chair.

Could a woman’s long hair support the weight of a man? Could a carpet really fly? Did the witch who took away Ariel’s voice have access to current technology?

Well, almost.

There I was at Lowe’s, loading up the cart in the almost deserted nursery. There was only one other customer, but then most people don’t shop for flowers at night. Then the big, loud train came by. It shook things the way the trains in The Triplets of Belleville did. A few things slid off some high shelves, but the guy didn’t seem concerned, so I began looking for cyclamen. He meandered out.

A few minutes later, a family member found me. That’s when I learned the entire store had been evacuated. Well, except for us. And that several people were crying out in the parking lot.

I couldn’t help it. I completely cracked up. You see, usually we go to Home Depot (for those not familiar with American home improvement stores, these are the two biggest ones), which is located next to the railroad tracks. Not that I ever experienced such shaking there, but I mean, that’s sort of an excuse.

The ceiling fans and lamps on display were still kind of swaying as we checked out, and quite a few of the store staff were sitting in small groups in the parking lot.

So I missed all the brouhaha, but got to have the fun. I hope my luck holds out next time.

Busy times at schools lately, and today the jr. high is practicing for graduation. The loudspeaker picks up every nuance (’. . . as soon as you can all get quiet.’) of lining up, speeches full of promise (squawk of feedback), and quavering note of the inevitable ‘Pomp and Circumstance’.

It takes me back. And today, every person in the general area is experiencing the anticipation, the frazzled nerves, the giddiness as if the whole bunch of them were right here in the house with us, thanks to a superior sound system.

The good news is that the birds are leaving my plastic-bagged rear view mirrors alone. But the sound of something hitting the wall near where I work has returned. When it happened yesterday, I ran out to look, but nothing was there. I’m off the shingles medication, so nothing is tampering with my perception.

There are two wheeled pot platforms leaning against the wall, but they don’t appear animated. When I ran out just now, I surprised the sleek black cat spotted earlier by a family member. I would guess that it’s going after the little bluebelly lizards that hide in the downspouts. I like these lizards, and don’t want their tails removed, as cats will do for endless amusement.

The upside is that I have a large variety of nose whistles. The downside? I can’t breathe very well. My head feels the size of an Atlantic Giant pumpkin, which means my eyes are bulgey.

If I didn’t have all this work, I’d watch all those movies stockpiled.

The young med student and a needy mother-to-be listen to the faint sounds of a new life.

Some days all you can hear are the juvenile birds begging their parents for a handout. The black-headed birds, the brownus birduses and the young raven can get pretty raucous at times, following the adults around. But it’s a nice kind of noise. When I spot them, the babies still vibrate their wings when they beg like they probably did in the nest.

Not today. The fence guys are back with their nailguns and dumptrucks full of vast quantities of loud boards. Down the way the treecutters are into their second day of chainsawing and composting the results.

This sets off the neighborhood dogs, one of which is suspected to be a robot dog, but we’re not sure yet. One of the little yippy yappies is beside itself, periodically screeching in a deranged way.

If you know how to listen, you will hear the sounds of countless numbers of birds migrating.

This article links to tips on constructing an inexpensive microphone and free software to help identify what you hear.

There are differing opinions on the effectiveness of moving squirrels from one’s backyard to a woodland area. Some people feel it is useless, and that more squirrels move in to replace their departed cousins.

I am of ‘it works’ camp, although one has to keep at the process steadily. For years, we had infestations, partly because we are surrounded on all sides by mature oak trees that provide ample food and nesting sites. Now the population seems more normal.

We use the Hav-a-Heart traps. The squirrels are mostly quiet, but from time to time, we get a vocal one. An amazing variety of sound is emitted from an average squirrel, and one that has puzzled me is the whispery one.

I usually chalk it up to fear. It’s only a short drive to some woods, though we do make sure it is at least five miles away.

It turns out that the ones with the Alec Baldwin-like voices are the loudest ones of all.

If your calls for a mate are drowned out by the noise of the water, it’s a good idea to evolve toward the ultrasound level.

Howard Stapleton, annoyed by the clusters of teens loitering near his shop, developed the noise-emitter. It sends out a sound only those under 20 can hear, and is infinitely unbearable.

Adults can’t hear it at all.

One day, doctors may be able to detect cancer and other diseases by simply listening to what sounds are coming from your cells.

Middle C, according to astronomers, who discovered that it precedes a supernova explosion.

Previously, scientists guessed that the megablast was the outer shell of the star bouncing off the core. However, when constructing models of this theory, it didn’t work.

New computer models indicate that the star’s core begins to vibrate shortly after collapsing. These vibrations produce such strong sound waves that the star explodes.

It can sound like a monkey, a cow, an elephant, a lion, or a sperm whale. Sometimes, it can even sound like us.

It has to do with reverb and bass boost.

Guess who wins. In Alberta, small male birds such as the ovenbird are not being heard by females due to the industrial din of compressor stations belonging to oil and gas interests.

Inspired in part by gibbons calling to one another at the zoo, and by the call-answer interplay between Italian bell towers, Nic Mcgowan hatched a plan.

At Island Bay, NZ this summer, he and fellow musicians will set up theremins and giant speakers on hilltops. Residents will hear the concert beginning at sunrise.

I wish I could be there. But then the performance is being filmed.

Some can be found here, more here, still more here.

And just one more that you might not expect.

The son in the shower is working on his kargyraa technique.

A very good explanation of throatsinging can be found here.

Hearing throatsingers makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, but in a good way. Similar to hearing didgeridoos, only a bit different.

After watching the movie, a son is now out in my car practicing his vocal technique. He can get pretty loud, and according to his snowboarding friends, got in more practice on the lift up the slopes of Heavenly.

My other son also throatsings, and finds that driving is a good time to hone his craft.

It’s fortunate that just one is out in the driveway at the moment.

They will hook up your iPod to the stereo speakers, when they are not taking all the glassware back to their rooms. They will bring friends home unexpectedly, late at night when you are downloading music in their room in your pajamas.

After they hook up the speakers however, they will then plug in their music of German origins, and then it sounds like a rogue beast is grumbling contentedly on the sofa after a large meal.

The soundtrack from Genghis Blues, because there are a couple of would-be throat singers here.

I got Amarantine as a gift. (thanks, Chris!) In this article, the author examines the secret of Enya’s grip on her audience.

Swiss researchers reveal that snorers (and their bed partners) get relief from sleep-disturbances when they take up the didgeridoo. They snored less, and suffered fewer incidences of daytime sleepiness caused by sleep apnea.

Participants were trained on the didge, which requires circular breathing techniques.

Now you have valuable information on what to get that really-hard-to-shop-for, nocturnally-noisy person. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a didgeridoo in say, the U.S. heartland.

That’s why there’s online shopping.

Elephants don’t like bees, which can attack vulnerable areas such as behind the ears, around the eyes, under the belly, and under the trunk. Researchers have found that they avoid trees where hives are hung, and are frightened by the smell of honey alone. Simply broadcasting the sound of angry bees also keeps them at bay.

In farm areas where elephants trample cultivated plants, encouraging farmers to keep bees will might keep crop loss at a minimum.

How can an event that includes an explosion, whips, a brass band, cow horns, and 1,000 cowbells not be outstanding?

Even Christopher Walken would appreciate it.

When a kangaroo is frightened, it thumps its feet. The distinctive sound may soon be used by farmers who lose crops to foraging roos. Researchers say the sound drives off feeding kangaroos, and the ones that stay behind are on alert, which means they aren’t eating.

Preservationists are concerned that the 16th-century cathedral will suffer structural damage from the onslaught of vibrations from nearby rock concerts and sports competitions.

By Alberto Iglesias. I’ve not seen the movie yet.

Listening to German electronic music courtesy of the son’s Shuffle. It was much better than listening to the repetitive but highly stressful slap of a tire coming apart on the journey to Berkeley Wednesday night.

An iceberg in Antarctica emits sound at a frequency too low for humans to hear, but once scientists sped it up, things changed. It sounded like a swarm of bees or an orchestra warming up.

Luna, known as a resident whale, has been separated from its family group for three years. Scientists were astounded when they discovered Luna communicating with a pod of transient orcas, because residents and transients usually don’t exchange vocalizations.

British scientists are trying to find the most repellent sounds in the world. In doing so, they hope to understand how the perception of bad sounds evolved from ancient times. Within the article is a link to their site where you can vote on what you consider the absolute worst.

I’m guessing it was happy with the sound level. No hair was blown back.

She was at a monitor near the entrance of the room I was in. At first I thought the sound was a machine of some kind, and when I looked up, I saw the source. I’m going to assume she was having difficulty with a search. And was in some kind of pain.

It is the stomach-churning kind that causes dizziness and nausea in the target.

The powerful blasts from the cruise ship Seabourn Spirit effectively repelled attacking pirates. Did it use LRAD technology?

After the incident with the U.S.S. Cole, the American military began using a long range acoustic device (LRAD) developed by American Technology Corp. in San Diego.

It is made of many small speakers over a large surface, which allows the sound to be focused on a target.

An aerospace engineer and Clint Black discuss the similarities.

For three weeks, I was forced to listen to the sounds that a rat can make when it thinks it is defending a garage. They were not friendly, song-like tunes, but more hostile in tone, similar to the noises coming from the pumpkin patch tom turkey encountered over the weekend.

The news is that male mice can produce complex, high-frequency sounds that are similar to bird sounds. Scientists suspect they are used to communicate with the female mouse.

Practicing for homecoming, I think, heavy on the percussion this year. Very heavy. Over performing for the junior high, they’re playing ‘All Right Now’, a perennial favorite.

Much improved over last month when I first heard them.

No sign of entering the well-baited trap. Yesterday, we knew it was still there due to the low sounds we heard. It seems to be quite the ventriloquist, or else has invited its cousins in for the warmth and hospitality.

Today, I decided to try something a little different, having sensed that it does love its peace. Disposable aluminum pans make quite a racket when applied purposefully and with some hostility. There was a low murmur of discontent from the nooks and crannies.

My neighbors must think I am aspiring to the art of cymbal playing. Soon I will call on my sons to bring their didgeridoos home for some real rodent-harassing sounds.

It’s hard to be heard over the racket of a garbage truck when you’re in the wrong end.

Researchers say it could be the ‘most complex song of any nonhuman animal’. The article includes a sample.

The cable goes behind the ear, and the earphones themselves can be seen as a fashionable accessory.

Do we see colorful or bejeweled earphones with interchangeable decorative elements in the future? You bet.

If you have deep pockets, these would make great stocking stuffers.

Found in South American rivers, it sheds its outer layer of skin from time to time, and can make sounds with its pectoral fins. Not banjo sounds, though. Their name comes from the slight resemblance to the instrument.

In an eastern Slovakia hospital, brand new babies are outfitted with little headphones, so Mozart can be piped into their brains. The doctor who initiated the project feels that the music soothes the babies, and provides a transition from the sounds of the womb to those of the outside world.

Relatively speaking, that is. Considering that some run into triple digits.

Found in a grave in Jiahu, the flute was crafted from the crane’s hollow ulna, and can still be played. More here.

As part of a study into sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), researchers played loud noises to a pregnant woman’s abdomen. The response was recorded with ultrasound, and a pediatrician participant noted a close similarity to an infant’s cry, down to the quivering bottom lip.

This can occur from the 28th week of pregnancy.

I may have to wander down to the toy store, and check this one out.

The double knock compared to other woodpecker sounds, from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology.

Japan is developing, with the help of government funding, 3D virtual reality TV. The vision is to let viewers reach out and touch, and to smell the action. A call is out for many companies and many technologies to make it happen.

This would revolutionize food advertising, and we won’t even go into the inevitable seamier aspects of such a move forward.

A very detailed article that answers these questions:

Why do sailors on aircraft carriers sometimes walk off the edge of the ship?

How do rock concerts make you feel high (even if you don’t do drugs or alcohol)?

How can a soldier look fine on the outside following a battlefield explosion, yet die of internal injuries?

What is Vibroacoustic syndrome, and why do people who suffer from it have less brain mass?

Why have drums played such a big role in organized warfare?

Some fish can kick up quite a ruckus down there in the waters.

New pieces up at his site. If you’re not familiar with throatsinging, you could start with Sol Negro.

Conditions have to be just right to get a photo.

The rumors are out there. Via Technology Review.

A bear has been spotted in Switzerland recently, which is surprisng since bears have been extinct there for over 100 years. To keep from being attacked, hikers are advised to sing selections from the Sound of Music.

Since hikers have been singing, there has been no sign of the bear.

Now, yodeling is a national pastime. Might this not be more appropriate?

It used to be that cutting the glare was the main function of sunglasses. Then they became a fashion statement. These days, your shades can also be your digital music player and, if you wish, the device that allows hands-free cell phone use.

Otherworldly sounds from Saturn are recorded by the Cassini spacecraft.

Its secondary wing feathers are hollow, and bent so the ends touch. When the bird rubs them together, there are two clicks and then a sound similar to that made by running a finger over a comb.

Online lessons to teach and amuse, including a link to a yodeling angels soundfile.

The orchestra was conceived and developed by Richard Lair of the Thai Elephant Conservation Center and Dave Soldier, a composer and neurologist. Instruments were especially designed for the animals, and are based on native instruments. A CD was produced.

Their latest effort is called Elephonic Rhapsodies , and features their xylophone player, Phong.

A professor at the University of South Wales, Joe Wolfe, has published a study of the noise levels a didge player can generate within his mouth. This can reach up to 100 decibels, and, if sustained, can actually damage the ear.

Once, for an evening’s fun, my sons took their didges out on their apartment balcony, and serenaded passersby.

A look at an unusual source of music, and the art of unique music covers , from Russell Smith at the Globe and Mail.

Roy Hargrove, With the Tenors of Our Time. It includes When We Were One (w/Johnny Griffin), Serenity (w/Joe Henderson), and Never Let Me Go. Across the Pond w/Joshua Redman.

In the distance, firework explosions probably from Great America.

The tool of choice for djs may change from the turntable to the very portable laptop. Not having to transport cumbersome vinyl collections from gig to gig is a real plus for some.

I’ve never learned how to pick one by thumping it. The last two I bought were less than satisfactory, but the one sitting on the counter is much better.

Some of the best will be at the farmers’ markets late next month, sometimes not till mid August. Then there will be the yellow- or orange-fleshed ones that are so crunchy and sweet.

I’ve not tried the little seedless watermelons, the pricey ones. Even though some diets say watermelon is not so great for those watching their carbs, I say ‘phooey’. It’s going to be close to 100° very soon. A couple of Argentine ants have made scouting runs to my workspace, which is a definite sign.

Remember that I cleaned most of the cobwebs a few days ago, an infallible portent of either high heat or an ant invasion or both.